I thirst.

My post-partum period following Wudgie's birth last September was the hardest I've ever gone through.  Everything was just a little harder than with the other four: having energy despite the sleeplessness, keeping my mood up, healing from my tear, staying healthy, the list goes on and on.  Add to this the broken-legged baby, the lice, the H1N1, the endless colds, and you can sort of understand.  One of the craziest things that I've run into this time around was dysphoric milk ejection reflex.  While the symptoms run the gamet, my biggest issue came from the rapid mood swing and intense thirst that came with every let down.  It's impossible to truly articulate the intensity of these feelings.  When I say I had a mood swing, I mean one of those almost comical ones that you would see on TV of epic proportion.  For example, I would sit down to nurse the baby, and one of the kids would immediately bound over demanding a book be read, argument mediated, or some other attention.  Normally, I would feel a little irritated to be so set upon when just sitting down (remember I'm totally sleep-deprived here)--with D-MER, I would feel the flush of intense loathing, sometimes toward the kids/Derek or at times toward my own fatigue.  (Thankfully, I never felt that way toward the baby.)  And as soon as I felt it, it was gone.  Then, I would wonder what in the world the big deal was to me?

I would also feel that deep and bottomless thirst.  I'm talking a thirst that trumps any other feeling, be it the need to pee, hunger, fatigue, you name it.  It would wake me up at night when I would let down in the middle of deep sleep.  This symptom and it's correspondence to the let-down reflex was what helped me figure out what to call it and learn about it.  I'm grateful to say that at almost 7 months, I still thirst, sometimes greatly (especially if stressed or dehydrated), but rarely have the mood swings and some of the other minor issues.  My kids & Derek are good about asking me if they can fill my water bottle for me as soon as I sit down to nurse.

My point here is two-fold: first, I want to make more people aware of this disorder, especially since it seems to be something of which little research or awareness exists.  This website is an excellent source of information about it.

My second point is in harmony with the Easter Sunday we celebrate today: I often think of the Savior when I feel that intense, insatiable thirst that is so deep it hurts.  I think of him on the cross saying, "I thirst" and then being fed vinegar and finally dying after so much suffering and pain.  It brings home the fact that He truly understands my pains and suffering, and bears my burdens when I can no longer carry them.  It is for this reason that I can tell my friends of late that I really am okay.  It's not been easy, especially this latest fun of strep (and the new cold and stomach flu that quickly followed), but I can honestly say that I have been borne up and even carried when it seemed too overwhelming.  The Lord has made up my deficits so that I can continue to function in my most important roles of mother, wife, family CEO, etc.  And as dear President Hedquist used to always admonish us, I have continued to treasure these days, weeks, and months with young children because all too soon they are gone.  Hosanna, hosanna, hosanna!!